So I was at the mall yesterday…

October 7th, 2015 No comments

I feel like someone needs to justify to me why a thing like “slutty ninja turtle” is a costume that exists. I’m looking at you Hot Topic.

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I dont’ get it.

July 20th, 2014 No comments

So apparently being the only guy in the sushi bar to laugh out loud at the little kid on TV crying because his soccer team is getting curb stomped makes me the asshole…

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It’s Just a Vibe I Get…

August 29th, 2010 No comments

For the Record: I’m not a fan of the fat judge on “Masterchef.” He looks like the kind of guy who’d go around telling people he’s Blues Traveller just to get laid.

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Predators

July 18th, 2010 No comments

I liked it. It was a decent remake of the original film, which was all I really expected of it. If you go into this expecting War and Peace, or in depth character development and motivation, you are stupid and deserve to be disappointed. That said, it did have some issues. 1. Laurence Fishburne’s character [...]

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Standardized Testing for the 21st Century

June 24th, 2010 No comments

Billy learns from plannedparenthood.org that 35 million couples around the world practice the “withdrawal method” of birth control. Billy also knows that the circumference of the planet Earth is 24,900 miles. If every person who practiced the “withdrawal method” of birth control were lined evenly along the Equator, and Billy were to circumnavigate the globe [...]

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Just Sayin’…

June 7th, 2010 2 comments

I don’t go around thinking about racism 24/7, but I’d really like to be able to hear the phrase “Southern Hospitality” and NOT picture a lynching.

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FFXIII

May 28th, 2010 No comments

Yeah, I know I’m a little bit behind but I just had to get this out there. I’m like 2 hrs into this game and I have no goddamned clue wtf is going on. I’m controlling the 3rd “party” which is a refugee kid who just watched his mother die and forgot to bring the [...]

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Little Known Facts from the Old School

May 28th, 2010 No comments

Kirk ‘Milk Dee’ Robinson of the Bklyn duo Audio Two was actually a quarter Jewish on his mother’s side. So when he busted up a party, he’d feel a LITTLE guilt…

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Relationship Advice

May 18th, 2010 No comments

Don’t try to be everything to your partner – you won’t succeed. The only thing you can do is continue to project those qualities that attracted them in the first place… …while completely ruining those things they like, that you can’t pull off.  Girls: He won’t get over that crush on Pamela Anderson? No problem - record yourself giving [...]

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Confessions of a Dork

April 21st, 2010 No comments

I auditioned for a spot with the House of Pain once. Sadly, I didn’t make the cut – apparently when the girl steps up after an ass-serving, it’s not enough to firmly but politely tell her to mind her own business.

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