For the Record: I’m not a fan of the fat judge on “Masterchef.” He looks like the kind of guy who’d go around telling people he’s Blues Traveller just to get laid.

…that about says it.

Billy learns from plannedparenthood.org that 35 million couples around the world practice the “withdrawal method” of birth control. Billy also knows that the circumference of the planet Earth is 24,900 miles. If every person who practiced the “withdrawal method” of birth control were lined evenly along the Equator, and Billy were to circumnavigate the globe [...]

I don’t go around thinking about racism 24/7, but I’d really like to be able to hear the phrase “Southern Hospitality” and NOT picture a lynching.

Kirk ‘Milk Dee’ Robinson of the Bklyn duo Audio Two was actually a quarter Jewish on his mother’s side. So when he busted up a party, he’d feel a LITTLE guilt…

Don’t try to be everything to your partner – you won’t succeed. The only thing you can do is continue to project those qualities that attracted them in the first place… …while completely ruining those things they like, that you can’t pull off.  Girls: He won’t get over that crush on Pamela Anderson? No problem - record yourself giving [...]

I auditioned for a spot with the House of Pain once. Sadly, I didn’t make the cut – apparently when the girl steps up after an ass-serving, it’s not enough to firmly but politely tell her to mind her own business.

Looking at him now, I don’t think Ric Flair so much jumped the shark, as he did climb on top of the shark, and then wait for Dusty Rhodes Magnum TA Ronnie Garvin Barry Windham Nikita Koloff Ricky Steamboat Sting to throw him off.

It’s probably a good idea, for any situation you enter, to keep the worst case scenario in the back of your mind. So when you’re chatting up that looker at the bar, ask yourself: can y’picture raising a kid with’em?

I think this is what Bill Hicks meant when he said, “By the way, anybody here who is in marketing or advertising: kill yourself.”