I just learned what vaginismus is – sounds a lot like what I picture when a fussy baby refuses to eat. ‘Cept, you know…down there.

THINGS I MISS: The old Playland arcades off Times Square. THINGS I DO NOT MISS: The Asian hustler kids who used to haunt the old Playland arcades off Times Square. “Oooh, Can I join in? I never play that game before!” Riiiight – so why is there a picture of you on the Credits Screen with [...]

Consider that EVERYTHING that human societies have ever been founded upon can be boiled down to one essential premise: “cuz some guy said so.”

“Jimi Hendrix died in a pool of his own vomit. Do you know how much you have to puke before you fill a pool?” – Bill Hicks.

A black man applying to join the Ku Klux Klan, and then suing them for discrimination when they say no.

So Julio the Class Clown leans over and asks me, “Does your mother hit you?” “What? No,” I answered. He smirks and says, “She hits you – I can tell…” I turned to him: “No, YOUR mother hits me. She needs to stop being so rough.” Silence. He turns away. “His mom’s dead,” Karen whispers [...]

I don’t know about anybody else, but it seems to me that a REAL “smart phone” would know how to treat this tumor it’s giving me.

As the sound and confusion continues to fade over “Going Rogue” (and its cover price continues to drop), people will realize that Sarah Palin isn’t the one with the story. BRISTOL is. At the center of Bristol’s story is the narrative of Everywoman, USA: “How a Boy and My Mother Fucked Up My Life.”

Coffee sweetened with sugar: Good. Coffee sweetened with Nestle’s Quik: BETTER!

Dear God: Just cuz I hated Ghost didn’t mean I was serious about those prayers. Signed, Me.